Transitions and Resettled: Acclimating to the States

Time flies, it has already been a few months back home. Zen settled right in, surprisingly faster than I had foreseen. Our plane landed on the first day of school (on a Friday), but it took the whole next week before she could go to class. It was paperwork, having to register her when my local Driver's license wasn't considered ID and just waiting.

She started late, didn't miss anything, is doing well academically and made some good friends right away. Her homework is minimal in comparison to Taiwan, she joined band and is playing her flute every day. Now she is starting fencing which I hope she will enjoy as much as she thinks she will.

As for myself, finding a job was time-consuming. Writing and rewriting applications and cover letters, it took a month before I had any bites. It was unsettling, being unemployed, like floating in the abyss. Would I teach or not? Should I apply for teaching jobs? I did-reluctantly. Should I try something new?






The Universe wanted me to take a breather after working full time as a single mom in a foreign country for so long, perhaps some part of my soul was tired.  So, of course, I wanted the stability (and paycheck) from working, but I enjoyed the rest as well. Fortunately, a new gym opened up and I joined, going every day was grounding. Taking yoga and spin classes helped me settle into a routine. I also started swimming again.

Date night with myself, Devandra Banhart at the Boulder Theater

At month two, I was hired, but since HQ is in Delhi and the formation of my group in Denver is like a "start-up" all of us new hires began a month later after that. I myself started a week later than them because my international background check took so long. Let's just say working for a multinational IT company based in India, has been interesting. My management is flexible about how we work our hours, we worked from home or left early when the snowstorms come, and we have s decent gym and I'm addicted to rowing.  I have health insurance which was a major worry when I left Taiwan.

Not that health insurance is anything to esteem here. It's free for all CO children at least. My coworkers all agreed that our plan is very good (United Health), but to me, it's contemptible (and still I'm one of the fortunate ones). For the rest of 2019, I chose the plan with a $5000 deductible (less money out of my paycheck.) For 2020 I chose the "Gold Plan" which I think is 85 x 2 USD a month I'm paid bi-monthly). Going to see my primary health care physician is $40 not including meds, an acupuncturist or chiropractor (which I  desperately need) is considered a "specialty" (so are mental health visits) and those are $60. Even seeing an "Urgent Care" clinic if we fell really ill costs $60. The health care system here is so complicated, with deductions, co-payments, premiums, blah, bla, just so needlessly expensive and inefficient. It's shameful. I'm still not 100% confident I quite understand how this is all going to work. I'll call my chiropractor tomorrow.

Getting used to the snow is another aspect to acclimating, and before that was the altitude. The first few times it snowed in early October, I was giddy, it was so pretty and exciting. My childlike glee was abruptly over when I had to scrape ice off my windows the following morning and wait for my car to heat off, shivering in the driver's seat, waiting for the windows to defrost. We have gone sledding with the kiddos, and I've been too strapped for cash to hit the resorts. I plan on being able to make a trip or two to the high country in 2020 before the season ends.

One of the biggest differences, of course, is being around so many white people. They're so tall and everywhere. My nephew goes to preschool in Highlands Ranch, my sister in law is Korean, and in his class picture, he is not just the only Asian, but the only minority as well as the only brunette. Highlands Ranch is in Douglas County, famous for its white males with the national longest lifespan. Recently, before we moved back there was a school shooting at the STEM Highschool, which is creepy every time I pass it. It's all just so alien.

Another major culture shock for us is living with our extended family. We live with my folks and my brother Ed. My other brothers and their family live within a mile radius and their kids are over 3-4x a week, sometimes more. So the house can be boisterous (like when I was growing up) and now we have a teen in the house. I have to listen to parenting advice from my mom on occasion, I help with the dishes, sometimes cook, sometimes babysit. My mom works hard feeding the little ones, taking them to school, my Dad is just as involved.

Our family set up is very Asian. It's fab for my daughter to be with her grandparents, uncles and aunts. She is still not sold on the concept of shepherding her younger cousins though.

The universe is gracious and we found a nearby Taiwanese restaurant whose owners adore speaking with my kid. They give us the Chinese menu and our bill has a lot of freebies. Sometimes, beef noodle soup with whole bokchoy is just the comfort food we crave on a cold winter day.

Halloween, came and went, then Thanksgiving. It was the first time my kid went trick or treating and she came back with a 6 lb bag of candy. Thanksgiving dinner was canceled this year. My mom, my daughter, one of my nephews were really sick. That was kind of a bummer, but if we waited for 11 years, we could wait for one more. So that means that expectations are for Christmas. It is building up to something sublime and meaningful. It will be our first Christmas with family, and in the States in 11 years. There's nothing like a Colorado Christmas, or so I imagine, it's been that long. Regardless, moving back home at the end of summer was perfect timing to see the aspens turn to gold and partake in the best holidays of the year.

Eight Ways from Sunday: 8 Years in Taiwan

萬事開頭難 wàn shì kāi tóu nán - All things are difficult before they are easy

It's been 8 influential years here in Taiwan! These photos are a day or two after our arriving from Colorado. Z was still nursing and in diapers. Although I had friends in Taipei, I didn't know a soul in Tainan, let alone ever been there before. I was excited to start our new life there. I had complete, blind  faith (is there no other kind?) that this was exactly where I should be after I agreed to take that leap.

Jul 23, 2008

Why did I take my nursing toddler to  a foreign country all by myself? No I don't have family in Taiwan, I'm not Asian at all. It was a combination of reasons. I was getting ansy, living for 2 1/2 years in the States after living abroad so long, I felt stuck. My bro's insane toxic divorce was extremely stressful for the whole family. It was infecting me and my kid.

Plus I had lived in Taipei for a year and half some time before Z was born. Taiwan was good to me. Living and working in Spain, Germany, Ireland and S. Korea, as well as traveling through 20 other countries, Taiwan was my first choice for uprooting with my kid. I didnt even consider another place. In Taipei,  sixteen years ago, I quickly paid off my undergrad loan, had a comfy lifestyle, was able to save enough to travel for the next 2 years and made lasting friendships that thrive still. Taiwan was and still is a safe place to raise a child in comparison to other countries I worked in.

There is this hurtful stereotype of westerners in Taiwan. That we can't somehow "make it" at home so we come here. Thats almost right, but its still far from the truth.  It depends on what your definition of success is, and mine hasn't been monetary. Coming here was a choice with real sacrifices. True, I didn't think I could raise my kid and be a productive citizen in the US those first critical years after giving birth. Not without renouncing precious time away from my kid. I was living on food stamps and Medicaid when Z was born, I appreciated that, I was fortunate enough to recieve aid and mother fulltime, but it wasn't sustainable or ideal. Obviously with a Master's degree finding a job wouldn't have been a problem, but I didnt want to work and have someone else raise my kid, even by my mom whom I trust. I wanted to be independent, be an active mom and live abroad.

I thought I could just return to Taiwan, pay off my grad loan and save. I could work in a kindergarten and bring my kid to work there too. And that's exactly what I did. Unfortunately it hasn't turned out the way I hoped, at least financially. The school I worked for charged me 14,000NT a month for her halfday bilingual preschool- and with a teacher's discount. Starting from scratch and having to pay such a high tuition for her for 5 years was like 2 steps forward one back.

So instead of getting out of my loan debt, the focus has been more on Z's Mandarin, and enjoying traveling around the area. I had little goals along the way; bite the bullet and work for a sadist manager for 5 years until I got my APRC.  Save enough for little holidays around Asia. I didn't really dream big. Working and being a mom, I had little energy for imagination. By 9pm when she was in bed, I was too brain dead for anything more meaningful than mindless HBO. Perhaps thats turned into a habit, an excuse for not improving my Mandarin. Yet, exhaustion is real.

I would have left Taiwan long ago for a higher paying job were it not for Z's fluent Mandarin. Its a difficult language, it takes years of daily, painful study. I believe she has some grander scheme in her future where this skill will help the world be a better place. Until then I do my part and try to be a good enough mom and teacher. I pay my income taxes to Taiwan, volunteered when I could and make the case for the world to recognize Taiwan's sovereignty.

Thank you Taiwan for welcoming us with your tolerance, kindness and generosity! Its been a privilege teaching your precious children. I am humbled for your embracing us with your friendships and support. Living here has been such a blessing, despite the challenges. Its a sacrifice being away from our family, and sometimes I questioned if it was worth it.

Still in diapers, July 24, 2008

But this past 8th year has been our best in Taiwan, and espouses my case that staying here was the right decision. No we didn't win the lottery, I didn't meat Mr. Right, I still drive the same junkie old scooter I had since my first year in Tainan. As I write this I'm still dead broke after coming back from travels in Japan. Yet, a worthwhile job with excellent management had found me. My daughter absolutely relishes her school, admires her teacher and cherishes her classmates. She frequently echos how she prefers to stay here in Yilan, at least until she graduates from 6th grade- especially when I was crushing on moving to Okinawa. Our contentment and appreciation are gifts.

Finally after years of praying for a dream, I have a dim revelation of a practical goal. It finally dawned on me after ending a relationship, that no one but myself is responsible for my happiness. I know its cliche, maybe I am the cliche single, liberal mom. But I want to save and pay off my grad loan, get out of this mentality of hand to mouth survival, improve my Chinese, and my Taiwanese friendships that are now 16 years on. I need to change some habits, mental strongholds about my relationship with money that are rooted from childhood. This is bigger than me. I still have lots to learn from Taiwan and I hope even more to contribute back. 

With God all things are possible. “在人這是不能的，在　神卻凡事都能。”

What to bring to Taiwan

If you have been living in Taiwan and are returning home for holiday or family obligations, then your friends and co-workers will have already given you their lists. My friend went back to London and brought me back some Harrogate of Yorkshire loose leaf. But if  you are a newbie and have kids you still might not know what to bring. A new friend moving to Taichung with her daughters recently asked me what to bring and about making friends for her daughters, etc.

This is a bit of my email back to her:

Usually when I go to a new country or travel its very quick for me to connect w/ kindred spirits. But this time it took me about 6 months to find people I connected deeply with and find people my age w/kids. But thats me, I would not say that will happen for you. Most of my coworkers are 10 years younger than me and no kids so we dont have so much in common, but I do have some very close friends now. Most of dear friends here are Taiwanese. I lived in Taipei, Tamsui for 1 1/2 years in 2000-2002 to pay off my undergrad loan and I made friends for life there, who still come visit me and vice versa.

Hiring a maid or even an older auntie to help w/the kids is very cheap. You dont need to bring anything, no bedding, clothes, electric equipment uses the same voltage as in the States and you can find anything and everything here. I do recommend bringing  vitamins, supplements, essential oils as what you can find here is sparse and not good quality--there are no Whole Foods here and the small mom and pop health food stores dont have big supplies or much variety. Also if you are very tall, have big feet or in my case a big butt you will find alot of the clothes wont fit, but in bigger cities like Taichung and Taipei there are neighborhoods w/alot of foreigners and stores that carry bigger sizes. Taiwanese women have flat asses and I definitely dont so that can make for probs buying pants. All the bras here are super padded w/lots of under-wire, I just cut the under-wire out as for me I think its unhealthy. I-phones are cheaper in the States, if you brought some back you could make some $ in Taichung w/ the foreigners for sure!

I think if you join a gym, chinese class, tai chi or an english speaking church, etc you will meet more foreigners. Take your girls to the park and you will meet the same kids and their folks everyday, thats how I met my Chinese "parents". Taiwanese are super-friendly and they absolutely adore kids, you will actually be annoyed at how much attention you all get. Its very bothersome to always be bombared w/ attention, strangers touching your kids faces, taking their photo w/ their cellphone w/o asking etc. You will get so much attention and invitation to tea, dont worry about meeting people and making friends, it will definately not be a problem for you or your daughters. Taiwanese parents actually force their kids to talk to me or my daughter to practice their English so I dont think finding playmates for them will be a problem.