About Me

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Yilan, Taiwan
I just returned back to the States after 11 years in Taiwan with my daughter. Taiwan is an excellent base for us explore Asia, while living in relative (gun free) safety, while benefiting from a cheap and efficient national health care system. The people are amazing too. I have Taiwanese friendships that are 20 years old and I'm always making new ones! My coworker here in CO is from Taiwan.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Week 7

We have a full apartment, as the other 2 roommates are here, Megan from Aurora, CO (very small world) and Vicki, the Chinese teacher. They are both very cool and "help" w/Zenaida, allow her to hang out in their room, etc.


At school we are beginning week 7. The Christian teachers meet every Tuesday after lunch to pray. This group consists of me, the owner Mary, her sister Vivian and brother-n-law Abraham, teacher Lilly who is a Taiwanese aboriginal, and teacher Joel who is from Mumbai but raised Christian. Joel is a talented guitar player so we had some worship last meeting. Teacher Amy (the Teacher’s Manager) was a Christian when she lived in the States, but is now a Buddhist—she came for worship as she loves to sing. The best part about it is seeing prayers answered-and fast and of course I like international aspect of it, singing and praying in Mandarin and English.


My first paycheck was half of what I am supposed to get and I still owe Amy some. I had the school loan me some, taxes were quite a bit, insurance for me and Zenaida. Each month should get better and better. I am doing private lessons between 430-5pm at the school for extra cash and it helps.


I am tired, especially now as Zenaida used me for a human pacifier 2 nights in a row (she has a fever—other than that she has been sleeping pretty darn good), I hardly have a moment to kick up my feet and relax. Between preparing for classes, teaching and housework and Zenaida its go, go, go. I enjoy taking her to the playground below our building, I collapse on the bottom of the red slide, catching a moment here or there, and then crash Zenaida is on my face, thinking its funny to slide upside down and bump into mommy’s head. She has been calling me “Mummy” instead of “Mommy” this past week, which I cant figure out why, maybe in her class they say it British style. But its ok, Id rather her be laughing than throwing a tantrum.


I dread Mondays because she seems to throw a major tantrum after school so I brace myself, usually over not wanting to eat my dinner or she wants to watch a video. Last week she threw a fit on Tuesday night also, but the rest of the week was so enjoyable. She is an angel at school so I think its just her way of letting out emotions for adjusting to the separation, but its still exhausting, especially when I am tired from working too. At those moments I do feel sorry for myself and wish that there was another authority figure around for her to listen to and respect and discipline her. Its for her own good that she not be allowed to throw such a tantrum, but its so tiring.

As for videos she seems to watch them daily. Its helpful when I am cooking or cleaning, but I wish there was some other way for her to be calm and not getting into trouble while I have to do housework. So at lunch I come home and sweep or do a load of laundry along with some exercise as that’s my only “me” time. She also likes to read to herself or do puzzles, but she definitely prefers to watch Madeline, Pingu or Teletubbies.


Zenaida and myself just got over being sick, like a 10 day cough 2 days of body aches. There a few days there were I hated having her go to school, but she survived. This weekend has been a typhoon (why is it always the weekend?) and these past 2 nights Zenaida has been nursing all night w/ a slight fever. She had a 100.1 temp this morning, but she has been in happy spirits.


My folks sent the best care package ever. Vitamins, underwear for Zenaida, her favorite books, shoes, stickers, new dresses and clothes. It was massive and thoughtful. Really well received. Thanks goodness for Skype! We can catch up and see each other across cyberspace. Zenaida shows off her yoga skills on the bed while her grand parents send her kisses via the computer camera. Her and her cousin give each other funny faces and Pingu “Nook nooks” its great.


Next weekend, the staff is taking a weekend trip to Taitung, driving around the southern tip of Taiwan to this small city on the SW coast. Should be fun. Will be interesting with Zenaida and some other of the teacher’s kiddies. It’s a 5 hour bus ride-yikes! We are sharing a room with 6 people—double yikes!


I still haven’t opened a bank account yet. Amy is in California and she is my go-between for stuff like this (Pediatrician, Immigration) so I might just have to do this alone and hope someone can speak good enough English. I want to open an account with Citibank (so I can transfer funds to my Citibank account I share w/ my Dad )so I don’t have to pay transfer fees) and be able to pay my students loans this way) so I am opening an account that doesn’t work with the school. Everything takes a bit longer here. For the most part I like the slower pace of “southern island life” as Taipei is a bit fast paced. Still, I am making plans to visit friends up north sometime soon. Kind of reminds me of when I lived in York and how everything was so slow there compared to London or the States, but back then it annoyed me.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Transition from Colorado to Tainan

California was great. The flight was short, I made conversation w/ the guy next to me who is a local CO dude turned independent producer working w/ some sort of comedy gig w/ actors that toured CO. Zenaida had fun, was well behaved and fell asleep when the plane landed at LAX. Aunt Stella and Uncle Bob found us right away and helped w/ the baggage. Their house was relaxing enough, great food, good company. My time was too short there (a day) just enough to have lunch w/ my estranged brother John and for him to meet Zenaida for the first time. She eventually warmed to him. We met at Pasadena and had lunch at some Indian Restaurant at Old Town. He was driving his friends Beamer w/o a driver’s license which wasn’t cool and his driving on the freeway (I’ve never known him to drive) was hair raising. I had no time to see my old roommate from Chu Wei (Eric) or my grandmother.

The flight to Taipei was hellacious. First there was the craziness at LAX, so many SE Asians in one place all crowded and no one not sure which line to stand in. Luckily having so much luggage and Zenaida strapped to my back had some perks, being at the front of the lines. Security was a pain, taking off our shoes, taking out the portable DVD player, etc. Waiting for the plane at our gate for 1 1/2 hour and after boarding the plane waiting 2 more hours in an overbooked plane which was extremely hot. I didn’t sleep at all, my back was too uncomfortable. Zenaida slept the first 5 hours or so and that was it. There was a Taiwanese boy her age in front of us and they played, being joined by an Indian girl and an older Taiwanese boy. Zenaida was a superstar until about an hour before we landed, she was asleep in my arms and I had to go the bathroom, she woke up and started screaming. Of course I tried to calm her and she kept on crying, "I just want to cry a minute!" over and over again. She was great. People where very helpful all around.

Sherry was there at Taoyuan Airport to pick us up, which was great. There was a tropical storm and she suggested coming home w/ her instead of the train south, which sounded good to me. I was overtired and excited and chatted w/ Sherry as her brother drove us. The traffic was bad, but a little over an hour later we made it to her nice apt. I found out the next day that 13 people died from floods from the rain of that storm in Central Taiwan (near Taichung). It was bizarre to drive by Chu Wei and see the street Eric and I lived when we squatted in that condemned building that winter and to drive by Alisse’s building, the whole town has grown and it’s busier and more developed (Starbucks next to the train station where a local shrimp burger place used to be).

Sherry’s place was great. Zenaida was a bit silly w/ her and took some time warming up to her, which got old. Her apt looks like a Florida resort and is called the Flamingos and looks over the beach with Guanyin Mts in the back behind the town. She took us into town and showed us her favorite walks along the river and the flowers. When the farmers let their fields rest they plant wildflowers, Cosmos and Sunflowers and it’s pretty. Zenaida’s sleep was all jacked then and she was not in the mood for much. She also felt insecure walking in along the street w/ all the cars and scooters and wants to be held. (She is doing better now and Tainan has some sidewalks which are comfortable walking and running on). Sherry also took up to the mt to this rushing stream where there were calm cool pools for the baby to play. Zenaida loves the water anyway and the cool water really soothed her spirit which was irritable from the heat. We also took her to the beach to see the ocean for the first time. She loved it and was laughing out loud totally exuberant from being the in presence of waves, wind and so much water. She could have stayed there forever but the wind picked up and the sand started to feel like needles against our legs so we left. Sherry’s place also has a luxurious outdoor pool and I couldn’t get Zenaida to leave w/o promising we would swim in Tainan. From Sherry’s laptop we Skyped home and called Grandpa and Noni which I wish I could do now but cant.

Sherry’s brother Michael drove us to the train station and helped me the luggage. Of course like my aunt and uncle they would not except gas money and treated me like family. I’m so grateful. The Taiwanese people helped me out all around. I forgot to use Sherry’s phone to call Amy in Tainan and tell her which train I was on, but a kind lady called Amy for me. Zenaida loved the train, so many adventures and she handled it so well.

As for Zenaida she is a bit of a sensation wherever she goes. She is getting more comfortable with the attention (maybe?). Her blue eyes and light hair is a novelty here, plus Taiwanese love kids so everyone turns their head and wants to speak w/ her, even pick her up. When we go anywhere whoever is on the street is waving hellos and goodbyes. Today we walked to a shady grove beside the canal where there was a nice breeze, drinking fresh coconut water (which she didn’t care for) and the workers in the park, matrons my mom’s age put their hands out to pick her up and she let them! (I told her they where grandmothers like Noni and she repeated “they are grandmothers” which maybe she misses hers). And then the women started taking pictures of themselves w/her w/ their cell phones, which was slightly annoying, but I didn’t do anything, Zenaida was ok w/ it. It felt a bit exploitive, as this women will go back to her alley house and show her friends the cute little American girl w/ blue eyes, but oh well this is Taiwan.

Poor Zenaida sweats more than me and that says a lot if you know me well. She is still getting used to the climate and so am I. It’s gotten that today we take a shower after breakfast and before sleep at night and if we are too hot maybe a cold shower before nap time in the afternoon. She has just now got a heat rash that she is scratching on the back of her neck (Dr Alba said to put cornstarch on it, which I have but I remember this medicated powder I used in Thailand for prickly heat and will look for it here asap). It’s so hot she does not want to leave the apt in the morning. This morning I was going to take a taxi to the shopping center where there is AC and lots of space for her to walk around, but they don’t open till 11am and she has been falling asleep between 1130-1230. We walked long Tainan River which is just right behind the building I am staying in temporarily at Teacher Mary’s house. At 7am it’s uncomfortably hot. Fortunately this building has a pool and Zenaida threw a bit of a fit the first morning because she wanted to swim (and cool off). It was very cold and after 20 minutes of wading w/ her was too cold myself and had to leave (Zenaida was fine).

Then there is the whole issue of food. I can spend a lot of time discussing it. The whole gluten free diet has gone out the window thus far. Zenaida takes after me and adores dumplings which most dumpling skins are wheat. She also adores noodles which are either white wheat or white rice flour, neither which is considered nutritious to me. My standards have dropped as we are on survival mode—not that we are starving, but I just don’t have my own kitchen yet or am familiar with the locations of health stores and alternatives. I bought Italian noodles (durum wheat lower on glycimic scale) and marinara sauce, which Zenaida loved (minus the bell pepper and anchovies which she didn’t eat. Mary bought us some wheat bread which tasted great, but like all Taiwanese bread is extremely spongy, soft and cake like, nothing like the dry rye bread Zenaida ate everyday for the past year and a half, but she ate it. So I’m not trying to stress about food as I’ve got so much more on my plate (separation anxiety from Zenaida). (I’ve got issues with food, I always have to have some kind of dietary prohibition, because I grew up adhering to a Jewish Kosher diet—I was a strict vegetarian for 7 years and a pescatarian for 10 more years, followed by a low glycemic diet that turned into a gluten free diet when Zenaida got eczema). Anyway, for lunch we shared a beef and cheese croissant sandwich at Starbucks. Basically I will have to learn to cook the local cuisine and tweak it for Zenaida and myself. She likes fried fish and noodles and dumplings. I can’t wait to get my own kitchen and be settled.
Mary’s place is great, they are hardly ever home. Her husband Dr. Frank works in the ICU unit in a hospital in Tainan County 1 1/2 hours away and sleeps there most of the time, their kids are going to Uni in Christchurch, NZ and Mary fills her time at work at the school with long hours (she is the owner). The building is like a 5 star hotel, pool, sauna, gym, lovely gardens and lobby, very nice. I cook and do laundry there and feel very welcome. The only downer is her computer is all in Chinese and she doesn’t know how to change it to English for me so I cant email unless I am at the school (like now).

Working out, my yoga practcice as its been the past 2 years is non existant. Its just too hot and hunid to want to move! Now I know why the locals do Tai Chi at dusk and dawn! I carry Zenaida alot which is exercise I guess, but Im afraid I will loose muscle tone and will have to start doing something soon.

At the moment my biggest stress is Zenaida and her transition. She threw a full fledge tantrum at Carrefour (French Costco) because she wanted to eat a banana before I paid for it. It was embarrassing. Amy was with me which was good for support. We had to drive to an empty parking lot and waited for her to calm herself which she did after 5 minutes, but it was distressing. She has thrown a few screaming fits at home and its very hard to get her out of that rage mode, but when she saw that we weren’t budging until she calmed herself, she began to try. I think she threw a fit for 2 main reasons: 1) She has been constipated since she arrived in Taiwan and 2) she was tired. I was planning on giving her a glycerin enema that night but after a;; the crying she started burping big burps and I knew her digestive system was trying to work and that night she had a sticky/hardish poo at midnight and a nice big loose on yesterday, so we will see about today.

Part of our transition is loosening the separation between us which is completely counter intuitive because I want to protect her and help her adjust to a new country. But I have to teach a full day beginning the 4th and she has to start bonding with her teacher Christine. We have been going to the school in the afternoons this week and whenever she cries for me I come running and breast feed her. We will take her to school in the mornings next week and start increasing the times until she can do a whole day with naps there. Its hard for me, one day at a time. I prayed for Zenaida to have supernatural peace and a supernatural transition Its hard for me, one day at a time. I prayed for Zenaida to have supernatural peace and a supernatural transition as the teacher tell me from their experience she might cry from anywhere from one week to 2 months! Once she is settled, I can eat lunch w/her or pop in during a free moment for akiss and cuddle but until then the is umbelical cord is being cut and it hurts! I still nurse her which for Taiwanese standards is much too old and am being asked when I will quit (soon I hope). Ive been told by 2 sources (Sherry and my aunt Stella) that chili on the nipples is the way to go, but sounds painful for both of us.

The school is like the UN. There is a student from Japan, another from Korea, mixed African American and Taiwanese and now Zenaida. As for teachers, there is a teacher from India, Scotland and S Africa (all male), myself and another female from Aurora, Colorado (small world) who is coming next month. I think there is another female Canadian teacher but she is on vacation.

So its one day at a time for us, lots of adventures and lots to get used to. Zenaida already says hello and goodbye in Mandarin, she is such a trooper. Where there is lack Grace super abounds! And that is evident in every situation with myself and Zenaida at the moment.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Visa Limbo Hell

This past 2 weeks or so, I’ve been in Visa limbo hell. The amount of confusion and stress has been paramount and for a few days there I was up to my neck. The weekend allowed me a break to regroup my faith and energy, let go of making things happen (which they really can’t) and wait. And then Monday happened.

It all seemed easy enough. I’ve had so many visas through my years of traveling I wasn’t prepared for this kind of colossal state of confusion.

Amy the Taiwanese women who hired me told me to call TECO (Taiwan Embassy) in Kansas City and ask what all I need to do too get a visa. So that’s what I did. I asked how to get a work visa and ARC (Alien Residence Card); I didn’t say my name---big mistake! I was told I cant apply for a work permit until my future employer sends in the paper work for the work permit, upon which I’m given a single entry 3 month work permit visa that’s changed to a ARC when in Taiwan. So begun the confusion. A few days later this same women receives me and Zenaida’s application for a 60 day visitor visa. I get a call bright and early, “I thought you wanted to work there?” I replied, “I do”. “Then why are you applying for a 60 day visitor visa?” yadayada.

Basically every foreigner who intends to work there gets in on a 60 day visitor visa and the school they work for does the paper work, sends it back to TECO offices in the US to get authenticated and its a lot simpler, the health check is done in a Taiwanese hospital too (as was my experience last time)

TECO KS has been stickler for following every detail. Which is costing a bundle, 130US per application, 15US per document to be authenticated (my diploma, transcripts, Zenaida’s health check and birth cert), plus over night postage there and return.

Good news is after such a hassle and prayers from friends and family, the woman at TECO (Jan) has had a change of heart. I was this close to having to change my flight, and it looks like I don’t have to. The final monkey wrench was Monday afternoon as I sat in the waiting office if a Dr for my health checks. I called my insurance (Medicaid) and found out I have not been covered since March 31, 08. I was very overwhelmed, thinking about sky high Dr costs ad lab work costs. I called Jan in KC and told her, listen my Medicaid expired and I don’t have insurance, and can my health check wait till I get in Taiwan? And she said sure.

Phew! So it works out even better because the lab work (HIV, urine and feces tests, other junk) the results would take a week, and I don have that kind of time. Having no health insurance turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Today I sent the doc to be authenticated for the work permit. Jan told me I will probably get a 90 day visitor visa (upon approval from her boss). Amy has been very good about getting the paperwork done on her end too and called KC despite the time difference.

So even though if I could do it again I prob would have kept my mouth shut and got the 60 day visitor visa, there are now advantages for having been transparent about my intentions to work there. The paperwork is getting authenticated now, Zenaida’s health check is done in her familiar Dr’s office, and she has gotten some vaccinations she needed. The process for the work permit has already begun in Taipei too. So when I arrive the ARC card and process will happen a lot faster. If I was working w/o my ARC card, I would be deported, now it looks like I will have my ARC by my August 4th start date.

I am looking forward to having TECO KC return my passports with big fat 90 day visa pasted on a new page by the time its time to leave.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Tainan Bound!

Once I made the decision to go to Taiwan, doors started to open so fast! Now I have plane tickets, a teaching contract, and a furnished apartment with ocean views waiting for us in Tainan.

I shopped for the best flights and the best teaching offer.

I had several offers in Tainan and was able to bargain for the best contract. I have never had to haggle for a job before, which was a new and somewhat uncomfortable experience. So I have a good salary, the lowest tuition for Zenaida I could find in a school I work at that is a 15 minute walk from my apartment. Incidentally, the school I will work for (Share Fun) also is renting out their space to a church that is both English and Chinese speaking. I will definitely check this out, seems too coincidental.

I am not looking forward to the flights!!! It’s hard enough alone, but with Zenaida (deep sigh) we will take it one moment at a time. My aunt and uncle in LA have been kind enough to let me spend a day and night there before we fly from LAX to Taipei. I thought I would have stayed there 2 days, but I wasn’t thinking straight when I booked the Thursday 1:40am flight. I thought 1 am would mean an extra day…anyway.

After the 21 hour flight to Taipei I have to go through immigration and find a bus to the Taoyuan High speed rail station and take a 3 hour bullet train south along the west coast to Tainan. That means I have to be able to pack everything so that I am mobile enough to carry, or push Zenaida. So I am wondering to myself, do I need to bring a stroller? Zenaida might eb too exhausted to walk. One carry-on, 2 luggage pieces, (a duffel bag I can strap around myself and a big suitcase with wheels. ) The 2 airlines I am flying with (SouthWest and Malaysia Air) don’t charge extra for luggage and I could bring 2 extra luggage pieces but would have no way to carry them alone.) So I have started to pack now, down-sizing, getting rid of clothes and books and storing our winter clothes (winters are mild in Tainan). Ive begun rolling our clothes up military style and stuffing them in zip-lock bags (which I will re-use of course) and packing my 2 pieces.

Yesterday, I took Zenaida to her appointment with Dr. Alba (homeopath, naturopath, nutrionist) anyway she had some great reccomendations for our flight, which I will definitely adhere too. Long flights disrupt my system, Im too sensitive and wilt by the end of the flight. So I know what supplements to take and not to take as well as for Zenaida.

I am so looking forward to the adventure, of discovering a different part of Taiwan. I cant wait to see old friends in Taipei, get settled in. I am definitely scared about Zenaida adjusting. Dr. Alba said her eczema (on her wrists) will be exacerbated the first month as she adjusts to the heat and humidity, but I know what to do to help her body adjust. I also am anxious to take her away from her grand-parents, uncles and her only male role models.

So what about Tainan? Ive read up on it, and from what my friend in Taipei have told me, that Tainan is notorious for its great cuisine, its hot, tropical climate, mild winters and old, very active temples. It’s the original capitol city of Taiwan, the Han Chinese oldest settlement.

Tainan City is located in the southwest of Taiwan on the rich and fertile Jianan Plain, with a population of about 740,000 people. Rente and Yongkang townships of Tainan County are to its east. Taiwan Strait and Penghu across the strait are to its west. Tainan has a straight coastline in the west next to the Taiwan Strait. Landscapes along this nearly 20km long coastline are manifold. The northern coastline of the city is located in the Sihcao wetlands in the northwest of Yanshwei River. As the area is covered with a rare mangrove forest, it has become the paradise of birds. Statistics indicated that over one million birds live in Sihcao every year, including over 20 endangered species of migratory birds from other parts of Asia and Australia and over half of the 400 species or so of native wild birds. The fabulous Golden Coast is located to the south of the city. It has a flat and extensive beach of about 2 to 3km long. The blue sky, clear water and golden beach have attracted many people playing and listening to the waves there. As the beach is extensive, we are planning a compound recreational center that combines swimming, bird watching, fishing, camping and accommodation functions in the area

Tainan has been historically regarded as one of the oldest cities in Taiwan, and its former name, Tayoan, has been claimed to be the source of the name Taiwan. It is also one of Taiwan's cultural capitals, as it houses the First Confucian School/Temple built 1665 on the island, the remains of the Northern and Southern gates of the old city, and countless other historical monuments. Tainan claims more Buddhist and Taoist temples than any city in Taiwan. Tainan City is administratively a municipality of Taiwan Province of the Republic of China. It is surrounded by Tainan County to the north and east and the South China Sea to the west and south. Tainan's complex history of comebacks, redefinitions and renewals inspired its popular nickname "City of the Phoenix."

Tainan City is located in south of Tropic of Cancer and easy to be influenced by seacoast and warm current; belongs to the subtropics monsoon climate; yearly average temperature is 24.2 degrees of Celsius. January has the lowest temperature around 17.5 degrees and July has the highest temperature around 29.1 degrees; yearly average rainfall amount is 1675.3 millimeters. May to July is the main rainy season; the rainfall amount is around 75% of whole year and most of the rain is fallen in June. Yearly average sunshine time is 2301.8 hours-- 52% of possible sunshine.

Did I mention I fly to LA July 15th and fly to Taipei the 17th? Today I will give my notice to my boss (yoga instructor). I just started in May, so I feel kinda funny about quitting but everything happened so fast! I have to also turn down a key volunteer opportunity to do security all 4days of the Democratic Nat’l Convention. I really wanted to be apart of history. They have so many volunteers from all over the country, they cant use them all, but I had a friend who has a friends…and I got this great opening to be there from 2-10 pm. So that kind of bites, but that life I suppose.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Case for Taiwan

It’s simple really.

I had planned on teaching high school social studies this fall in the TIR (Teacher’s in Residence Program) where someone w/ a BA can become a teacher. I applied for an opening at Arapaho H.S which is down the street from here, but I doubt I will follow through with this. Who knows? I don’t totally don’t want to close the door on anything w/o having all (or as much) info. I will talk to the Littleton Public Schools admin tell them my concerns and see what they can do for me.

If I take on the TIR program (after having been hired by a school first), then I begin classes in July, start full time in August and go to night school every Monday at Metro for the first year I teach. The TIR program is 2 years. From teachers I’ve talked to I’m looking at least to 60 hour work weeks, with the prep time, grading papers + Monday nights, I would never see Zenaida! I don’t really want to be away from her all that long so soon, she is still so young and so attached to me (and vice versa), she still nurses and sleeps with me. And I would still have to live w/ my folks for a year saving for a place of my own. ‘Im itching to spread my wings be independent. I’m too old to be with them.

Now, I’ve worked in Taiwan before, I known what I’m getting myself into more or less. I can get a full time job teaching ESL in a kindergarten, which is 9-5 and 25-30 hours teaching, 1 ½ hour lunch breaks, free lunch and breakfast. The cost of living is cheaper, I can immediately (or after 3 months) get my own apt. The best thing of all is Zenaida can attend the same school I teach (they start at age 2-3), so I can see her during the day, possibly teach some of her classes, take lunch w/ her, even nap with her if I wanted.

What has prevented me from not going to Taiwan sooner, is the shock it will be for Zenaida; she will be emerged in Mandarin, she will stand out as a foreigner, the crowds, the climate, and being uprooted from her home and extended family; it weighs on my conscious. I think she can handle it, we will be together, she will like being in school w/other kids, she will become fluent in Mandarin (and maybe Taiwanese and Hakka too). It’s temporary, only for 2 years max. We can come home w/money in the bank and I can pursue the TIR program and teach high school when she starts school .

So I've applied to some places throughout Taiwan. I would love to be near my friends in Taipei and live in Taipei country again, but I am also interested in living in other parts of the island and have applied to a school in Tainan and am making plans for a phone interview. I don’t think most of the schools have been too keen on me bringing a daughter into the equation. An exception is a school in Hsinchu, but they wanted me to sign a contract where they were going to charge me 1/3 of my salary to pay for Zenaida’s books, which is insane because she cant read or write yet. I think having her in an ESL school is an advantage for the school because she is so articulate for her age and has the vocab of a 4 year old. But these schools make their profit on these books, so many books.

I'm taking it one day at a time and see what happens. Its exciting really because anything can manifest right now.

I'm freeing some space, making room for grace.  Now the danger is having an attachment of what Zenaida and I’s life will be in Taiwan, should we go that route. The one benefit of international traveling is having these initial expectations and being so wrong because the reality far exceeds the expectations. It’s a blast. I miss it. I wonder if I have the courage or wisdom to make the right decision.

Friday, May 16, 2008

This past week and the Denver political scene

I’ve had an exciting week enjoying the gifts of the local Denver political scene.

On Saturday night I volunteered to represent INCITE! at the Chinooks Fund’s grantee awards and anniversary shindig. No one from INCITE Denver could make it, so I came and kidnapped Kristin. We parked at the Alliance Building (former CWA headquarters where we officially never had our own parking spots) and walked down 15th to the new Museum of Modern Art, made our way up to the rooftop into the empty windowed room to see Mayor Hickenlooper there. The free bar was outside, so Kris and I put our coats back on and headed out there and started our first round. The Mayor to our surprise joined us and we three enjoyed the solitude and the view. He and Kristin started w/ Fat Tires and me with a German Riesling. We made small talk. I was a little shocked that Hickenlooper seemed to want to hang w/us. He was very down to earth, talking to us like we had hung out a million times before. The mayor had a way of talking, not like a lisp, but a something, which made him seem even more personable. He is much shorter than I thought. (Not like pharonic Webb whom Kris and I once met in his circular, dark office. We talked about meeting Webb later that night driving around for parking. How huge he was, like Goliath, very kingly, I faintly remember incense burning in the background, us groveling on our knees, everyone hushed in awe, being transported back to the days of pharaoh).

He made a comment about all the development (cranes everywhere the eye turned); pointing to one new building coming up and saying he had no idea about that one. I sarcastically replied, “You think you would know about that, being the mayor”. He laughed. He made a reference to “if you build it they will come” w/o mentioning Field of Dreams or baseball, but I piped up about the Democratic National Convention and he yelped, “Are you trying to raise my blood pressure!” Kris brought up the current play at Curious Theater, his endorsement of it, we talked a little about it, he was actually on his way there after chatting w/us and then he was off to a friend’s wedding. After the mayor left it was glasses of champagne for Kris and I. We unapologetically got sloshed on bubbly, which made having to stand and speak in front of a room of people a lot easier. It also made us literally the last people to leave, standing next to the dessert bar w/ a fresh glass of bubbly, catching up since last we hanged. We did manage to see one room of the main photography exhibit, before driving around for 30 minutes looking for a parking spot to dance off our buzz before driving home. Needless to say, I never made the drive home, having had 2 rums and cokes. We never did find the right club, well we did, w/ a world class DJ in town, but we didn’t want to spend the 20$ door charge. Anyway it was a memorable night.

I’ve got to hand it to Sherelle (Chinook’s young ED), she put on a good show. Chinook had some kind of beatnik thing going, interactive, improve drama with the audience and former EDs. It was very cool, very emotional. Sherelle is multi-talented. They opened with a pair of Aztec drummers/pipers, very emotive. I had a good time. It made going to the Frat like club afterwards a bit of a downer compared to the culture and brains that was bursting at the seams at the Museum.

A few days later I went to my friend AJ Clemmons’ fundraising event at someone’s lovely house. She is running for CU Regent and her district is the size of Connecticut (or Rhode Island, something small and Eastern) compromising Douglas Co, Jeff co, some of Arapahoe, and a few more counties. Anyway, she needs to raise like $100,000 and has only 11,000, but she is hopeful. More than hopeful she felt called by God to run (chew on that Christian Right!). She is black, liberal, Christian, did I mention liberal? And she has a mission to reform higher education like other developed countries, where they actually invest in human capitol (think France and free university). Anyway, the other 2 Democratic Regents spoke and I was flabbergasted at the necessity of AJ’s victory. The Democrats control the House, the state Senate, we now have a Democrat Governor again, but the only Republican majority is the Regents—and they are not about to give that up. Decisions are being made behind closed doors about the direction of funding for higher education and thus who has access to it. It was fun to catch up with the rest of the CWA Board, meet some new people and stuff myself on Turkish appetizers and political intrigues (AJ’s boxing and alligator wrestling stories).

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Divorce: No one is the winner in this scenario

My brother’s divorce was finalized yesterday and its such a strange sensation to have such utter joy and relief on a subject that is so sad –divorce. Such is the rollercoaster ride from hell that everyone in my family was on, even my grandparents in another state were affected.

My ex-sister-in law Cristi was my own private Nemesis. The first several times I met her she was drunk and obnoxious, rude and self-absorbed. It wasn’t until my brother got arrested the first time that the extent of her drinking problem surfaced out in the open. Suddenly, her poor manners, lack of eye contact, always talking about herself, made sense. I despised seeing her, being in her company and said nothing about it to anyone those first years. (I was usually only in town between travels anyway and about ready to leave).

When they married and her hidden addiction was out of the bottle I made my intuitions public info. My mom was mean to me and said I was just jealous of Cristi and didn’t take my impressions very seriously. Even if I happened to be jealous of her (which I wasn’t), my mom hardly treated me lovingly about it and when Cristi came over, excluded me from their private conversation and walks which was very confusing to me emotionally.

I suppose the first turn off about Cristi was the moment she first opened her mouth. Her voice is about 4 octaves too high. You know that disease of the throat common to American women when they try to be cute and girlish? Its not something European do (their men like sexy, husky voices, think Kathleen Turner who was trained on an English stage). When Cristi talked I knew she was a fraud, a fake, hiding her true self so much and for so long, she didn’t have a clue who she was.

Like a wave that ebbs and flows, I sometimes had periods of compassion for her. Her terrible childhood, her drunk mom who was too drunk to dress her properly for school or pick her up from school, who was exposed to adult themes too young. Cristi’s only survival technique was to be charming, cute, have teachers and people in authority feel sorry for her. She used this skill with judges against my brother, with the police that pull her over for driving drunk (letting her call her latest friend of the day). That’s why this divorce has taken so long and at so much monetary expense (Cristi’s legal fees are $40,000) to everyone, because Cristi lied, cheated and stole. She is a real con-artist. Truth takes a while to come out, but thanks God that it does eventually.

She is still under the spell of he mother who probably gave her all the bad advice to take my brother for all he was worth (they never got along). I don’t think there is enough space or I don’t want to waste my energy writing of all the terrible things Cristi did to my brother and my family to win, to mooch $. But the most terrible was using my niece Emma as leverage. Sure the credit card frauds in my bro’s name is bad and she still has to pay them off, or throwing my bro in jail (3x) on a Friday so he is there all weekend because she HAD the power to do so is bad, but not like taking poor care of Emma. Emma comes with shoes and clothes too small, greasy hair, and at one time a kidney and bladder infection.

Anyway, its all over. The restraining orders (two) against my bro are dropped. Douglas Co decided on their own to put a protection order against Cristi to protect my brother!! My, my how the tables have turned! My bro has to pay her 40,000 over 2 years and then from then on just pay child support (about 400 a month). She has 10 random tests for alcohol, a month-a dilution test counts as a failed test. There is no way she will be clean for 6 months. When she fails Emma goes to my brother and Cristi into treatment. If she sobers up for 6 months Emma is split 50/50, for now we (my bro) has Emma from Sun-Thurs.

No one is the winner in this scenario, certainly not Emma. But at least Cristi under her banner of lies, cheating and playing dirty is not the winner. This is probably the first time she has had to be accountable for her lies and drinking. (Most people learn at age 5 that the truth comes out eventually).

As long as my bro feels he is the winner Im happy. Now he is free to reap the harvest of his “China deal” if it pans out will be very lucrative and Cristi, greedy, little Gullum lost her precious dream of living off my brother. Her “precious” was not Emma, or a happy marriage or a sober life, but $ and now she has to pay her legal fees and all the charges from her frauds. She is forced to pay up. I just hope she can see that she is not the victim, that she made these choices. With my brother out of her life who can she blame now?

And now my mind is thinking of the significance if the number 40, hmm the number 0f human testing. (The Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert, Jesus fasted 40 days)...Testing my bro these 2 years, testing Cristi to pay, they both have to pay 40,000 dollars to someone. I just hope my bro doesnt start dating anyone for these 2 years, but thats another subject.

The Incites of Brigitte Gabriel

Last Women's Bible study meeting we watched a DVD taped at a local Denver area church of the dynamic speaker Brigitte Gabriel, the Christian Lebanese survivor of her countries Civil War, her experience of Israeli civilization and her ranting warnings of Islamic infiltration of the American Education system. Her life story is incredible, I can see why she believes in the things she does. There were some points she said I completely agreed with (allowing hate speech in Mosques and Madrassas in America + US dependence on oil is crazy). I went on her website and signed one of her petitions, but did I agree with everything she said, NO! Did I cheer when her white, middle class, conservative audience cheered, not at all.

The issue of Islamic mosques and Madrassas promoting hate education that literally states their followers are to eventually kill or destroy anyone should be banned. This is not something so very hard to do. If Bush could dismantle free speech and political rights under the banner of the “Patriot” Act, then something could be done. A few years ago there was an Amendment here in Colorado, a Hate Speech Amendment that the voters did not pass. The Christian Conservative lobbied that the amendment was pro-homosexual, that current legislation already provided for the protection of gays and they didn’t need any special laws. A federal Hate Speech Amendment can allow for the freedom of expression and assembly only up the point where it does not arm or threaten to harm someone else. Thus mosques and madrassas here in America could be regulated.

Some of the comments that I disagreed with was her belief that all Muslims condone the destruction of Israel and America. I think its dangerous to promote the idea that all Muslims because of their religion believe in suicide bombs, in taking over America, like they did in Lebanon. I know from personal experience that this is not the case. My friends from Bangladesh certainly do not. Sufist Muslims do not. Turkey is a secular country, I was treated more than well while traveling there and in fact felt safer being a woman in Turkey than in America. (Brigitte mentioned the Armenian genocide by Turkey but failed to mention the Native American genocide, or the black genocide of the slave trade). In Muslim Kashmir, Egypt, and Turkey I was treated well. Muslim hospitality outshines American any day. That’s not to deny the existence of Muslim militant extremists or minimize their threat. The Islamic Brotherhood is in Egypt after all, there were bombings in Istanbul, Delhi, Dahab. But to preach that all Muslims have this agenda is also extreme, especially within the current American environment of anti-brown, anti-Muslim, anti-anything that does not conform to this cookie-cutter mentality. I don’t see how this will promote peace in the Middle East.

Brigitte also praised America for it’s “civilization”, for being the greatest country in the world and if “people didn’t like it they should get out! ” (standing ovation, claps all around). It’s scary that informed dissent is synonymous with anti-patriotism. By sheer definition of democracy, it’s the cooperation of different views being allowed the space to express those views that makes a democracy what it is. If we all believed the same and if differences of belief are not allowed space we might as well be living in Tehran. She invoked the “founding fathers” who themselves were more influenced by the political philosopher John Locke and his “tyranny of the majority” than Jesus’ example of renouncing the accumulation of wealth and befriending the rejects of society.

I sat there asking myself, what does she mean about America being this beacon of civilization and greatness? Does she mean economically? Lets give credit where credit is due, because our industrialization was won by the genocide of millions of Natives, the slavery of millions of kidnapped Africans, the exploitation of European and Asian immigrants and the free labor of women. The US gov’t doesn’t hide the fact that it exists to protect private property, the accumulation of wealth by a minority and maintain an economic system that be definition classist (there is nothing democratic about capitalism).

She talked about trashing political correctness and yet she was hardly historically correct. American’s “noble” war history of fighting Nazi fascism was invoked, and yet America knew for 3 years about the Nazi concentration camps and the mass genocide of Jews and did nothing about it, for 3 years! Isnt it more true that the US joined the war in Europe when US markets supplying arms to the Allies was threatened? That the US provoked the bombing of Pearl Harbor because the US did not want a post war Asia with Japan controlling Pacific markets?

Not only is it a lie but its dangerous to make a god out of America, to glorify a myth at the expense of truth.

Brigitte Gabrial brought up how immigrants need to learn English the way every immigrant in the past learned English (more thunderous applause), that in the past it only took one generation before the immigrants’ kids learned English and she might as well as called Spanish speaking (that was who she was referring to) immigrants “illiterate peasants”. I take issue with this sentiment. I have worked with illegal Spanish speaking immigrants (through this same church, in cohort with different ladies) and their children are fluent in both English and Spanish. Its also much harder to learn a new foreign language as an adult when all your free time is spent working at McDonald’s 7 days a week. Brigitte’s pro-English statement brought up a host of issues for me, how my father was spanked for speaking English in kindergarten, how his (and my mother’s) family has been living in the SW United States since the 1500’s and how Spanish speaking peoples living in these areas were protected to speak their language under the Treaty of Hildago through the loss by Mexico to the American instigated war for territory (the former Mexican citizen’s land and property were also protected under the treaty, but like ALL American treaties with Natives, was broken---but that’s another story).

Far be it to ask the common American (white, middle class) to learn a foreign language that is useful. The majority of the world’s citizens speak Mandarin 1st and Spanish 2nd, .
English is the lingua franca of the elites.

I also sat up thinking last night about her very original statement, that if “people didn’t like America they should get out !” Doesn’t she know how hard that is! If it were that easy to get EU Citizenship I would. Not to say Europe is morally superior to the US, because it is not, they are also dealing with their racism and anti-Semitism, but I and my daughter would have a higher quality of living. I would be a citizen of France because of the health care system, free University, subsidized housing for parents, free day care. Its much easier to be a mother in France. In Italy I would be paid for having children! I would be a citizen of a Scandinavian country for the 3 years paid maternity leave, not to mention 5 weeks paid vacation, higher quality of food, and importance of relationships over working.

What do you say to the people who believe in the American Dream? It must work for them. I find it a myth myself. And when it doesn’t work, like now when its all starting to fall apart, unemployment, high gas costs, high food costs, soaring foreclosures, what does Middle America believe? They don’t question the myth, they find a scapegoat, illegals taking all the jobs, Saudi conspiracies, far be it for them to question the fiscal sanity of financing a war (516,000,000,000 $ as of this writing) while cutting taxes or the morality of cutting programs for poor children to finance the war. How can you have an intelligent debate with people who get their facts from their daily newspaper or local TV news? These people who have never even had lunch with a Muslim much less lived in a Muslim country? Whose only friends are heterosexual and white? Who voted for Bush?

When someone like Brigitte Gabriel comes along and legitimizes their racist and classist fears and scapegoats illegals, all Muslims because she herself is brown, I think that’s dangerous. Its time for Middle America to deal with their White privilege. They have taken it for granted so long, and though it should be their responsibility to educate themselves about it or at least bring up the subject, this painful issues will probably fall on the shoulder of poor people of color (again) to teach them about it (and pat them on the shoulder when they inevitable break down and cry in a the fragilest moment of self-realization). I’ve seen educated white women deal with their white privilege, and it aint pretty! (“But I dated a black man I cant be racist!”)

What specifically is Brigitte Gabriel’s mission? To protect America from becoming like Lebanon, a democracy that disappeared under Muslim infiltration where Christians were mass murdered. Fine I can agree with that! That may have something to do w/ border control, I can see the logic, but to voice anti-Mexican sentiments is wrong, To gloss over American history without attention to the details to make a point is misleading and inciting.

So what am I going to do about it? Silently squirm during the applause, the discussion?I have to say something to these women without damaging our friendship, just to be respectful to them and not be fake or 2 faced. I hate to be the b--sh-- police, but as long as it is spoken in love I suppose because "Love covers a multitude of sins..."

http://www.nationalpriorities.org/costofwar_home

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Confronting the Cookie Cutter Christianity

I find myself losing sleep over not speaking up in my Bible study Group. This gracious group of women let me into their circle for a Bible Study group at my church, we had an informal book club, met at each other’s house, they kindly ate my gluten free experiments and pray for my family.

But every time we meet, politics inevitably creeps up into the conversation. Out of politeness I refrain from adding my 2 cents. Why should my opinions take up space? They bash the Democratic party and the Democratic presidential candidates continually every week and complain how the “liberal media’ engages in Bush bashing, I keep silent. It would open a can of worms.

Ive reached a point that if I keep silent any longer than I am a fraud to my own political convictions, personal history and moral obligations. I cannot live a life that is in any way inauthentic. My hesitation of joining a church is now being made manifest. When I first became a Christian it was because of a supernatural experience in my bathtub Christmas Eve ’99 that changed my life forever. In those fragile first years, I would of benefited greatly from the support of a community of believers. But I refrained from going to church for several years because I perceived such a strong pressure to conform to a cookie-cutter image of what it means to be an American Christian, I did not want to lose my individuality to a human establishment, or a human idea influenced by class, education, race, culture of what a Christian should act like, look like, etc. Human history if rife with the mistakes of that.

Yes I believe I am the righteousness of God via Jesus, that when the Supreme Being looks at me, I am sinless, guiltless, perfection and a work in progress. Such love, I need no intermediary, just this relationship of communion where God lives in me and I in God, because of the sacrifice of Jesus. I am indeed a new creation, everyday, with no cares of the past or the future, just resting with and in the eternal I AM. My only struggle is to rest and relax into this perfect, finished work.

That does not mean I suddenly am a NRA card carrying Republican, that I renounce women’s lib and will vote against Obama, that I support sex education based on abstinence, fear a Homosexual agenda etc or supported the Iraqi invasion.

Jesus challenged the religious elites and establishment of His time. His followers were society’s rejects, disenfranzhized, invisible—prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers. What happens when His church becomes the establishment, the religious elites? How does the contemporary church deal with this tension of being united, of growing as one body and yet not being elitist, of being exclusive. Who are the rejected outcasts of today? What groups are invisible? Native Americans are hidden away on reservations, transgender persons, AIDS victims, the very poor, illegal immigrants. I don’t see America’s church’s reaching out to any of these groups. Who are the excluded?