Shine My Light Thru Cool Colorado Rain

Z, Garden of the Gods 2013

By the time you read this we will be on our trip home, stopping at Japan and LAX before our final DIA destination. This has been the longest month, no the longest summer ever. The whole car wreck, DMV nightmare, being in debt, borrowing, scrimping, its exhausting. I realized that working p/t has perks, I miss my weekly orphanage baby party and time to chill in my hammock. That didn't last long, I needed to work and found some short term contract work in Loudong. Living off half a salary can get me by, but certainly its no picnic in any financial emergency like the past two months. My new job offer came in the nick of time. It will be a relief to be able to save for a trip or not depend on "getting by with a little help from my friends."

Home.

Colorado skies, that dry at altitude lack of oxygen air, will I even notice? Last time we were home was Chinese New Years 2013 for my 39th birthday and my mom's 63rd. Has my heart and lungs atrophied to that of a mere sea level mortal? Probably when I try a new micro brew I'll find out. It will be nice to just relax. This Thursday we are taking an RV to New Mexico to stop at places along the way, the birth home of my mom, some backwater mountain town and of course Taos, Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Hot Springs and Pueblos. My kid needs some well deserved daily spoiledness that only grandparents can give. I have 4 brothers to catch up with and two new nephews and a niece I haven't met yet. I will have to swing by Boulder and catch up with friends there too. Busy, busy eating and drinking and making merry- oh life is tough! Of course I plan on camping, horseback riding, going to Red Rocks for a workout and hopefully a decent show.

Ice skating with her cousin 2013

I told my friends I want to do activities I can't do here, like aerial yoga, take a pole dancing class, THC yoga, hit the recently legal edible bakeries and try a little bit of everything. I also know what I don't want to do, I don't want to drink, I cant really handle it at sea level let alone a mile above sea level.  Obviously I want to eat- A LOT.

 

High quality foods (salivation commencing now) spelt tortillas, buffalo burgers, turkey bacon, amaranth flakes, rye breads, sourdough, raw cheeses, pinto beans everyday, New Mexico green chili with every meal. It goes without saying that everything is organic, because that's way my mom rolls. I am going to put my face into a big bucket of cottage cheese and bob for artichokes. The danger is easily putting on 5 kg in 4 weeks and not being able to lose it in 6 months, because I do feel like my metabolism slowed like a switch when I turned 40. I'll worry about that in September.

 


What I am bringing as gifts is tea. High quality, organic Kytoto Matcha. I got them at Santa Cruz (the health food store) and some other teas and little purses/bags. For my nieces and nephews I got age appropriate books and puzzles with Chinese and English. I am also bringing  lots of  cool clothes I've never the occasion to wear and will sell them at the Buffalo Exchange and see if I can get some money or a pair of cowboy boots.

 


I'd also really like to catch a show. I miss good live music. Of course Taipei has music and Kaohsiung and Tainan too for that matter, but I don't have the opportunity to go out much.



 Speaking of music, this is a sample of what I'll be listening to on my 24 hour trip home (in total). Anyone who knows me intimately, knows, that some of this has been my playlist for eternity, but I've got some new stuff too and all that has to do with leaving Taiwan and going home. Don't read into "falling in love" referring to any person. I know I will fall in love with Colorado again and again.

1. "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window" (The Beatles), my air guitar moment.

2. Lost Sailor/St. of Circumstance (Grateful Dead)

Compass card is spinning, helm is swinging to and fro
Oh, where is the dog star, oh, where's the moon.
You're a lost sailor, been away too long at sea.

Some days the gales are howling, sometimes the sea is still as glass.
Oh, raise the main sail, oh, lash the mast.
You're a lost sailor, been away too long at sea.
Now the shorelines beckon, there is a price for being free.

There's a sea bird cryin' and there's a ghost wind blowing
And it's calling you, to that misty swirling sea.
Till the chains of your dreams are broken,
No place in this world you can be.

3. "Let It Happen" (Tame Impala)
4. "Eventually" (Tame Impala)
5. "Leaving" (Pet Shop Boys)

I know enough's enough
and you're leaving
You've had enough time to decide
on your freedom
but I can still find some hope
to believe in love

Believe in love
Don't go away

6. Hearts Like Ours (The Naked and Famous)
7. Dawned on Me (Wilco).

Every night
Is a test
To the east
From the west..

I forget 
That I know
I regret
Letting you go
Sometimes
I can't believe
How dark it can be...So far And so forth and again I will start to begin at the end

8. "Punching a Dream" (The Naked and Famous)
9. "Morning",  "Say Goodbye" (Beck)
10."Empty Threat" (Kathleen Edwards)
11. "Johnny Delusional" (FFS)
12. "Black Sun" (Death Cab for Cutie)
13. "Lampshades on Fire" (Modest Mouse)
14."Super Hero/Epic/Sunny Side Up/Midlife Crisis" (Faith No More)

Rainbows will bend for me
Curvy
Honey bees will sting for me
Stingin', stingin'

15. "From the Dead " (Faith No More). I don't know how Gould and Patton found me, but somewhere along the time space continuum, they wrote this song that is basically me at this moment or near future. I am the lion back from the dead (my family coat of arms,  my home is near mountain lions). I am dead right now, on auto pilot, my background is the Grateful Dead. If I could cry it would fill a canyon. Compared to Colorado, living in Taiwan is sleeping on the forest floor. I am going home to the open arms of old friends and family and I am going to unwind and rest. What breaks my heart about this song is I miss their Red Rocks Show by a week, which is a travesty. If I didn't start my new job Aug 31st, I'd change my plane ticket in a heartbeat. When they play this song at Red Rocks I should be there.

Homecoming parade
Welcome home my friend
There'll be no more sleeping on this forest floor
Open heaven's door
Comin' 'round the bend
Welcome home my friend
There'll be no more weeping like a canyon gorge
Hear your lion roar
Around you, 'round you
I can see you shining like a morning sun
Hear your lion roar

Around you, 'round you

I can see the parade
Welcome home my friend
We come back to history in present times
Watch your watch unwind
We've been turning mysteries to nursery rhymes
Sigils and more signs
Around you
Watch your watch unwind
Back from the dead
I can see the end

Welcome home my friend

Dinosaur Ridge, 2013

The wood tiger returns home to the Mountains

By the generous grace from others Zenaida and I were homeward bound for one month during Chinese New Year. It started with my friend Doreen dropping us off at the High Speed Rail shuttle bus stop in Anping's harbor, a 60 minute bus ride, followed by a 1 hr 45 minute bullet train to the Taoyuan station, another shuttle bus, 10 hour flight to LAX, getting our luggage, security and another flight into DIA, arriving at 11pm in snowy conditions.

Zenaida was great until somewhere over the Pacific she could not get comfortable and Malaysia Air would not let her sprawl out in the floor in front of her seat. She proceeded to call me "silly old shrimp mom" for the first time,that she has repeated in angry instances since or when she thinks its funny. (Where she heard "old shrimp" I have no idea.)She peed in her seat and I striped her down, wiped her little body and dressed her as fast as I could and was really fine with the sleep deprivation.

We arrived and my Dad and brother's Matt and Ed were there. Ed and Matt hadn't changed (but don't tell protein shake, muscle pumping Matt that), but my Dad, wow, his hair had gotten whiter. Zenaida first thing she said was " you look like Santa Claus" which was pretty hilarious and exactly what I was thinking. Mom already had hot burritos waiting which was like the food of the gods after eating rice and noodles for a year and half.

My bro John was home for better or worse. At one point I was going to change my flight and return to Taiwan early on his account of being emotionally unstable w/ Zenaida. It was shocking that a just turned 4 year old could so make a 30 year old regress to the same emotional level. It was sad and painful and abusive.

On the upside, I got to work out everyday and take my beloved yoga classes from my world class teachers and some rocking kickboxing classes which having come from tropical sea level back to high altitude I didn't seem to be affected by much. Z played in the snow and reconnected with her cousin Emma (play-fight-play), and I enjoyed being with my parents and my bro Matt. It was, but for John, a totally relaxing, uplifting treat.

The return flights and mass jumble of shuttle buses and taxis somehow, we made it home. It was by far the best 14 hour flight ever and since Zenaida knew what to expect she was like a professional traveler and settled in no matter where we were. I couldn't ask for a better travel buddy than her. I am also aware of how so many prayers supernaturally flew us safely over, because I literally didn't have the stomach for it (having puked all day of my return flight.)I wasn't sure I had the health or stamina to take care of Z and all the painful hours I was anticipating (that really were non laborious).

I had the first time experience of not wanting to leave home. Of crying at the check in counter, my Dad hugging me perplexed. I didn't want to come back to Taiwan, but felt I must. Colorado is pretty close to paradise after all. That I was finally cured of destination disease. For me being someone who couldn't take being home for a month without looking at maps and plans for escape, it was a powerful epiphany and one that is currently propelling me to take some risks with my dreams and the near future plans of my life and my daughter's life direction.