Teacher-Parent Conflict Resolution and Cultural Differences

The honeymoon is over.

Z's new school and new homeroom teacher continue to overwhelm us with their positivity. Z's recent midterm grades, especially her math and science were higher than her Chinese for the first time. In fact now my daughter loves math all because her brilliant teacher loves math and he loves teaching more. We love this school!

Unfortunately we live in a world with imperfect humans and once again we are having another experience with an abusive (music) teacher. I say once again because in her previous school, her homeroom teacher aka Evil Lyn, was just not able to be impartial, played favorites and was grossly over critical with my child. She took away Z's outdoor recess, gave her more homework, didn't really teach and subsequently my kid hated math. I tried meetings with Evil Lynn (lovingly nicknamed from one of He Man's many enemies) for almost 3 semesters, several times she got reprimanded by the principal, with little improvement.  Let it be known, all of our meetings were civil, I never "lost it" with her, although she "lost it" on my kid several times. But thats history, that was Kai Shuan Elementary near our older apartment. Good riddance.

Other than that, Z's teachers have been phenomenal. Her kindergarten teachers and 1st grade homeroom teachers in Tainan were outstanding. (There was an incident with a Taiwanese language teacher filming Z in a commercial without my knowledge, but the school and teacher apologized, it blew over.)

Bear in mind I am coming from a culture where  job performance is constantly getting assessed and workers constantly get feedback from each other, management and customers. Its much easier to get fired in the US for incompetency than Taiwan, so I think American workers are more apt to respond to glitches and evaluations more positively than in Taiwan, where here they often are in the form of a personal attack. I  know this intimately having worked for Amy/Rebecca a sadist manager in Tainan. Of course she eventually did one big sweeping sincere, umbrella apology for all the times she, yada yada, so I had to forgive her, but her style of management is legendary, unforgettable. Its the reason we all suspect she changed her name.

Another cultural anomaly is the role of a teacher and discipline. Taiwan is a Confucian society and teachers have have a kind of status that parents respect. Thus teachers have significantly more power to discipline students (harshly) here. Taiwanese parents have a kind of social contract with teachers that they can chastise students more so than American teachers. More often the American teacher will call the students' parents for them to do the severer punishment. This has been quite challenging for me as a teacher, but usually my Taiwanese co-teacher plas the "bad cop". I don't think its ever ok to yell in a child's face in front of the class or have students physically fear you, its just not anything close to a learning environment.

When a kid loves music and now she hates music class, someone failed as a teacher

Since I find myself going around this same mountain again, I am not insane enough (or am I) to make the same mistakes. Face to face meetings, talking civilly, stating the facts as I see them, or how my kid perceived them have been in my experience, unhelpful. So this time I asked a coworker, a Taiwanese computer teacher- with kids- what he would do. After I told him the incident (next blog post), he said, "That's ridiculous! This would make it on Taiwanese TV news." He said if it were him, he would go to the Dean of our school to talk with the principal of her school. I immediately dismissed that as underhanded, sneaky, also I didn't want to involve more people who probably had better things to do.

Nevertheless, because the thought had never occurred to me, perhaps his suggestion was right after all. I talked it over with more Taiwanese friends and they concurred this was the best method of conflict resolution for Taiwanese: using someone more powerful, using connections and influence. This felt so wrong, so alien to me.

This friendly computer teacher told the dean and the dean said to first leave it to Z's homeroom teacher and if he cant handle it then he'll get involved. (Her homeroom teacher's reputation proceeds him, teacher Jack is a superstar in these parts). Unfortunately  a talk with Z's Vice Principal did nothing to deter this music teacher. The next class, she was just as mentally abusive and emotional as before.

So back to my method unless something else presents itself. She is only at their school twice a week and I hope to arrange a meeting this Thursday.

The Merry Month of May

My May really kicked into summer that first weekend with local music festival May Jam. The first night, I went with my good friend Grace and our kids. I was a little stunned that her husband decided to join us, he usually opts out when we hang out, but I'm glad he did. Those two acted like Uni students and it was good to see him relaxed and dancing, getting into the music.

Our kids were certainly in awe of the fire jugglers. We left before we could see fellow beachcombers  Dog Eat Dog rock the venue. The kids were getting tired and my ride was leaving.

Day 2

Here is Grace and I below and our kids (Day 1).

Imma's Bakery  and Tin Pan provided some yummy bites and beer. And it was good time to be had by all. The mosquitoes certainly were out for a good time. I saw some old friends I hadn't seen in a while.

The following weekend my former housemate Eric was in Taiwan and came down to Tainan for a visit. I hadn't seen him in maybe 2 years when he brought his wife and daughter. He and I go way back, we once squatted in a condemned building in Chu Wei, Tamsui around 2001. He is the illustrious founder of Happy Cow website an international guide to vegetarian and vegan eateries and lifestyle.

He  first came to Tainan many years ago before moving on and it was great to hear his stories of local mobsters. His first day in Tainan he found a job and an apartment in like 20 minutes. When he came back to Tainan this most recent time, I picked him up in Anping near the Tree House, and by then he had already made some beautiful female friends and other friendly locals were swarming him ready to take him home for dinner. He was grinning ear to ear and remarking on the hospitality of Tainan (its true.)

Eric, me and Z went to the beach before dinner and he said to me, "uh the water looks green , is it radioactive?" On closer inspection the beach was covered with a slimy, thick layer of seaweed. In four years I have never seen it like that. It did look like the water was green, breaking lime green on the shore. It was so nice to have him around, he is so "present" and he made space and time even in his short visit to really BE with me and Z, very enjoyable.

May was also Mother's Day, had a lovely morning w/my daughter followed by lunch and dinner with her best friend's family. Her mom cooked for us and we watched the kids catch fish in the pond. I was exhausted and then I found myself in an indoor playground (with AC) in some place in the Tainan City Council building affiliated with the YMCA. 



The girls were hungry and on our quest we accidentally came across a young calf to bless the opening of a tea shop (also had never seen that before). We had dinner at a local pasta joint.

 

The calf thing was surreal. Just before I had this insane dream about a bull that would jump out of the TV in intervals, each time getting closer and closer until this massive, powerful beast was literally sitting on me, breathing heavy in my face, eye ball to eye ball until we sorta merged (maybe the bull was part of me?) It was scary and exhilarating and one of those dreams that were meaningful in an unexplainable way. So it being Mother's Day I felt like I wanted to free this poor baby calf and feed it and bring it to some green pasture.

May ended with more festivities. That last Friday, Z's kindy class had a camp out at school, so Mommy could have a very late night. My friend Gregorio took me out to the new and improved Olga's Russian BBQ, near my house, followed by some salsa dancing.

Now June is almost halfway over, I'm trying to enjoy summer before it passes away like an easy breeze while also counting down until our July holiday.