About Me

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Yilan, Taiwan
I'm a Social Studies teacher and single mom from Colorado and have lived here for 9 years. Taiwan is an excellent base for us explore Asia, while living in relative (gun free) safety, while benefiting from a cheap and efficient national health care system. The people are amazing too. I have friendships that are 14 years old and I'm always making new ones.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Divorce: No one is the winner in this scenario

My brother’s divorce was finalized yesterday and its such a strange sensation to have such utter joy and relief on a subject that is so sad –divorce. Such is the rollercoaster ride from hell that everyone in my family was on, even my grandparents in another state were affected.

My ex-sister-in law Cristi was my own private Nemesis. The first several times I met her she was drunk and obnoxious, rude and self-absorbed. It wasn’t until my brother got arrested the first time that the extent of her drinking problem surfaced out in the open. Suddenly, her poor manners, lack of eye contact, always talking about herself, made sense. I despised seeing her, being in her company and said nothing about it to anyone those first years. (I was usually only in town between travels anyway and about ready to leave).

When they married and her hidden addiction was out of the bottle I made my intuitions public info. My mom was mean to me and said I was just jealous of Cristi and didn’t take my impressions very seriously. Even if I happened to be jealous of her (which I wasn’t), my mom hardly treated me lovingly about it and when Cristi came over, excluded me from their private conversation and walks which was very confusing to me emotionally.

I suppose the first turn off about Cristi was the moment she first opened her mouth. Her voice is about 4 octaves too high. You know that disease of the throat common to American women when they try to be cute and girlish? Its not something European do (their men like sexy, husky voices, think Kathleen Turner who was trained on an English stage). When Cristi talked I knew she was a fraud, a fake, hiding her true self so much and for so long, she didn’t have a clue who she was.

Like a wave that ebbs and flows, I sometimes had periods of compassion for her. Her terrible childhood, her drunk mom who was too drunk to dress her properly for school or pick her up from school, who was exposed to adult themes too young. Cristi’s only survival technique was to be charming, cute, have teachers and people in authority feel sorry for her. She used this skill with judges against my brother, with the police that pull her over for driving drunk (letting her call her latest friend of the day). That’s why this divorce has taken so long and at so much monetary expense (Cristi’s legal fees are $40,000) to everyone, because Cristi lied, cheated and stole. She is a real con-artist. Truth takes a while to come out, but thanks God that it does eventually.

She is still under the spell of he mother who probably gave her all the bad advice to take my brother for all he was worth (they never got along). I don’t think there is enough space or I don’t want to waste my energy writing of all the terrible things Cristi did to my brother and my family to win, to mooch $. But the most terrible was using my niece Emma as leverage. Sure the credit card frauds in my bro’s name is bad and she still has to pay them off, or throwing my bro in jail (3x) on a Friday so he is there all weekend because she HAD the power to do so is bad, but not like taking poor care of Emma. Emma comes with shoes and clothes too small, greasy hair, and at one time a kidney and bladder infection.

Anyway, its all over. The restraining orders (two) against my bro are dropped. Douglas Co decided on their own to put a protection order against Cristi to protect my brother!! My, my how the tables have turned! My bro has to pay her 40,000 over 2 years and then from then on just pay child support (about 400 a month). She has 10 random tests for alcohol, a month-a dilution test counts as a failed test. There is no way she will be clean for 6 months. When she fails Emma goes to my brother and Cristi into treatment. If she sobers up for 6 months Emma is split 50/50, for now we (my bro) has Emma from Sun-Thurs.

No one is the winner in this scenario, certainly not Emma. But at least Cristi under her banner of lies, cheating and playing dirty is not the winner. This is probably the first time she has had to be accountable for her lies and drinking. (Most people learn at age 5 that the truth comes out eventually).

As long as my bro feels he is the winner Im happy. Now he is free to reap the harvest of his “China deal” if it pans out will be very lucrative and Cristi, greedy, little Gullum lost her precious dream of living off my brother. Her “precious” was not Emma, or a happy marriage or a sober life, but $ and now she has to pay her legal fees and all the charges from her frauds. She is forced to pay up. I just hope she can see that she is not the victim, that she made these choices. With my brother out of her life who can she blame now?

And now my mind is thinking of the significance if the number 40, hmm the number 0f human testing. (The Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert, Jesus fasted 40 days)...Testing my bro these 2 years, testing Cristi to pay, they both have to pay 40,000 dollars to someone. I just hope my bro doesnt start dating anyone for these 2 years, but thats another subject.

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