To travel is like having an enhanced, supra-condensed form of everyday life. There are moments of being alone and moments of sweet companionship, everything is magnified. Every conversation, every moment of doing nothing, lying in a hammock, or on some ferry or shared taxi, life seems to be pointing something at me, a destination, a new dream, direction. One veil is lifted from my eyes, one moment at a time. I am given vision, my past, with all its hurts and disappointments, the stark reality of where I am Now, standing on the cusp of what will be and its all working in the background for me, for my good. During one of my first nights in Kota Kinabalu, I had one of those dreams. Sometimes I dream of people I have psychic connections with. Usually its my mom or a brother, an old friend or lover, and I truly believe we contact each other, like an intergalactic, space-time telepathic Skype, they receive me and have the same dream time in their time. This time, I contacted Z’s father and I told him, “listen I guess I’ve been alone these 5 years because secretly I’ve been waiting for you to come around. She has been asking about you and you ought to contact her, you know where to find me. As for me, I’m not waiting around for you anymore.” A lot of psychic baggage was lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes these cosmic messages get lost in the everyday grind of routine. Its hard to be in a place of undeniable vulnerability when every moment of every day is accounted for, even moments of rest are penciled in. My blood needs to be stirred, I need to be launched out of my comfort zone, maybe I need a little bit of danger, definitely high adventure and I am then so aware of how I am loved, loved by God, the Universe, THE higher power, Christ consciousness, whatever you call It. At these moments when He has my absolute attention (I say ‘He’ because I am in this divine relationship, the Beloved) and I say, “God you have my attention, I am listening”, and then I am wooed, the Universe literally sings me a love song. Not just any love song, but a particular song that once had a special significance to me that I forgot about throughout the years (in this case a song from my Barcelona days that I never told a soul about). And then it becomes more meaningful and personal. Like when we were abandoned by our dodgy driver in Kota Belud, we are saved by angels or stuck in Sipilok from the absence of local transport, we were blessed with personal encounters with endangered animals (in this case an orangutan). What are the “chances” of seeing the rare Rafflesia flower in bloom? So casually my beautifully made, indigenous driver pulls over and the flowers were not even intentioned destination, just by chance, on the way to something also equally wonderful.
There is no good or bad luck, when I am ready to take the chance to buy that ticket, to take the journey, I am truly transported, divinely escorted. In the case of my Borneo experience, my cup truly ran over and I didn’t need to do anything but be there in the position of receiving. It all increased my faith that Z and I are loved and looked after, no need to worry about absolutely anything.
How am I integrating this into my daily life now that I have returned to work, to cleaning my house and rushing to get to work on time? I am not stressing on my floors, no more everyday, 2 times a day, the laundry can wait, and so what if I am late! And if I don’t make it into the gym at lunch, I will survive. In fact I’ve returned with this determination, actually this victory of mind over portion control, in fact I am already always satisfied, satiated. I don’t mind being single nor am I worried about Z being “fatherless”. Her father is Divine and He has given her this ability to re-translate, to be the Alchemist who transforms lead into pure gold. Before the trip I was already content, but I returned with a deeper understanding of content-ness, a fresh experience of Grace that is priceless. So now you see why my trip was such a gift.
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